people they come together
12.11.03 9:20 a.m.

I was trying to explain to Misha how the whole thing with Bloomer affects me. And I think I finally was able to put it into words that the end, and it went something like this:

I don't feel like the asshole in the situation normally, just when I get directly affected by it. Like when I see Gina after she's had a bad conversation with Bloomer, or when I get that look from Bloomer and my thoughts are along the lines of "she hates me, keep my mouth shut." That's when I start to feel like the bad person and worry about what's going on.

Ok, I worry either way because it's a bad situation. But I really worry when I see the direct effects of it, and even experience it. On the other hand I know that I'm not in a position to do anything. So in the meantime I just get frustrated with it.

But Kristan put it in perspective for me when she reminded me of what happened with Ryan. Even though I didn't like him, after I told her that I left it up to her. And I was nice to him (and her!) despite all of that.

So maybe I'm not going crazy.