I'm down. and about. But not going out. That's my problem. I'm at that sort of.. point where I feel resigned to not having a relationship for a few years. Sort of a self commitment- like I did this to myself. Which I suppose I did. But not in that sort of intentional way. I'm beating around the bush. I mean to say that I feel pressured from the outside and inside to meet someone. It's one thing to have casualness (in any way, shape, or form) with a guy, but after a while I'd imagine it to get empty. It's even a bit empty from the start. So what am I doing? I look at my friends and the people I know and they're all able to talk about something. I seem to be the one that hears about all of this. I hear about people that meet the love of their life in high school or first year in college and it bothers me. Statistically (I'm ignoring divorce rates to make it convenient for myself), it makes people less available for those of us that didn't "snag someone" early on in the game. That was a tangent. I apologize for it. I'm playing mind games with myself over all of this though. A few people hear the worst of it. There's always a sort of contradiction amongst it all. I want a boyfriend. Why? Then I just want the idea of a boyfriend. Just someone. Just to feel that something again. But what's the point of meeting someone? I meet someone on holiday and in 3 weeks we part ways (if it even lasts that long). I meet someone at school, and we part at the end of the year.. and then I go abroad. I mean- there's so much moving going on. Is there any room left for something that's constant?
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