This is me writing as though no one were going to read. That offline red notebook with graphing paper in it- that's how I write there. No one reads. I don't open it for anyone.. at least not as of now. I know the things in it are foolish for the most part. But, (as there is always a but), I have been keeping something out of both journals. It's been in the back of my mind for some time now. I seem to have a knack for talking to people and then abruptly stopping for whatever reasons, only to take up the conversation where it ended months later. Which brings me to where my thoughts lie. Consider even how we first really began to talk- helping out at graduation our junior year. We spent the night talking- full of ambiguity and innuendos of sorts. It never went anywhere then though. A year later though, our graduation bought more things than just an arguement afterwards. I had spent the nights playing in the pool, which was amusing. It was light-hearted and fun. I think that's when the tension really grew between us. My conversations with him always had this undertone of sex and all things related. Not surprisingly afterwards our conversations just became heavier with it. It was like there was a huge bed in the room.. and we were just ignoring it. It didn't last for long. The avoidance that is. I was surprised that it took so long for it to happen, but now I think that something (or perhaps someone) was holding us back. Those two months together were just amazing. I always thought spring had that effect on people- making them want to date or have sex, anything along those lines. But there's just something so sexy about sex in the heat.. the air is so heavy that it just smells of it. Something beyond description. I feel as though I ought to have mentioned those times earlier. I always found it hard to write about it. It just seemed so personal and for a while, not something that I wanted to reveal. That and it just gets me all bothered to think about it. It makes me yearn for those days again. I wonder what it will be like to see eachother again now. Especially now that I find that period of time on my mind when we talk more and more. Sometimes I think that it was like we were the perfect sex couple. Or at least close to it- both of us were close to being boundariless. That in itself was refreshing. But it's done.
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