i was considering going on a semi-hiatus from the online world. just make a few exceptions of course.. such as resets. but that just puts me here twice a day. maybe it'll be a timed schedule of sorts. or something interesting. i'm trying to test myself. trying to go without milk too. sort of. it's coming out oddly. i'm about to pretend that i'm lactose-intolerant and go to gloria and tell her that i need a better food selection. there's only so much pasta and cheese that a vegetarian can take. and only so much salad. or pizza. it's ridiculous. but at least the idea of being lactose-intolerant would be more forceful. now.. if i were to remember this slight medical problem that i just seemed to develop. then perhaps, life would go on as it should. is it considered cheating if i have to make up an issue in order to do it? i always wondered that. and i also wondered how people managed to live for so many years (which are in fact few- because i speak of 20 or so) and still learn nothing. blubbering idiots i believe. there's no sign of introspection. i understand the dificulty in working at a problem. but to say that it is something that you will most likely (and they mean that they won't) not get over? might as well kill yourself at that moment. apologies, i'm emotional i think. well, i know i am. but my sense of self is off kilter. i wanted to hit someone just because of what they said. what she said more specifically. someone that's not even in my immediate surroundings. either way-- i began to think of how it's near impossible for me to cry without some sort of catalyst. it will make me seem like such a dweeb, but i managed to cry at the last battle in the fellowship of the ring the other day. just because i feel like that. i can get so swept up sometimes. just like bw's cd always does that to me too.
|
old new book profile design host |