why is it that it's so much easier to organize and work on something that's just borrowed? and when do we realize that we're running on borrowed time- or can we even say that we own time at all ever? i think i'm going over the same things every now and then. that i hit the same realization at certain times. like sitting at the maier looking at the ground zero nuclear testing site photo that i'm really at school, that we really may be like some of the big girls. that we may have those same crazy stories like they do from fifth bell. i think i'm just baffled. i figure that it's okay to be baffled. i think that i should start writing again in my regular notebook. i vowed to do it every day- a front of a page. which wasn't at all that difficult, but of course as soon as i vowed to it- i stopped. maybe i'm just lazy. or inner drive is just something that i don't care to apply to these things, but i would never mind typing up meeting briefs or anything like that. it was easier with other things- like with the ed. that was easy to do. it was hard, but easy. in a hypothetical situation i went back to it a few times and saw my face and was unhappy. my mental idea of beauty is changing i think, finally opening my mind up i think.
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