i think i'm fascinated with crying. how people look when they cry, what goes on in their minds, how i look- what people think of you when they see you crying. running down the hallway, a wall of tears blinding you- it seems like the worst thing imaginable to you. but to others? i saw a girl crying in school the other day, or on the verge of tears- and dismissed it as something like her boyfriend breaking up with her. in my mind it became the stupidest thing to cry over- that she had no reason to be crying. maybe because it wasn't real. it didn't make her beautiful. rather than make her look sad and beautiful and real- it made her look like she'd already accepted what had happened and had already been thinking of what to do next. that the feelings of that moment- that crucial moment, were nowhere to be found. the onslaught of tears might as well have been sprayed on her face with a bottle rather than come out of her eyes. precious eyes. the salty water leaves your skin feeling a little taught. treasure that. it seems like proff that something may even exist. that you may look into someones soul through those tears. i find myself to be the worst person to console someone that is crying, but only because i cry all the time. because i need to. i need to have that feeling out of me- a movie is enough to do it. when i look in the mirror, i see blotchy cheeks, bright eyes, red eyes, glistening, lips that can begin to tremble. why hold it in?
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